Ficlet: HP, Lupin for rosewildeirish

[raegan_1]

Title: Less to Lose
Author: Rae
Fandom: HP
No pairing, Lupin-centric, Harry
Warnings/Notes: Lupin introspection. Rose said "HP" not H/D, and I said "It'll probably be a Snape/Lupin" but it wasn't. Written for rosewildeirish for the prompt of "Pride/Jealousy."

Summary: Lupin contemplates dichotomy.


Remus has envied others their wealth, the success others have found, and sometimes but not as often, the relationships they've built. It is with sadness that he counts his most important relationships as things of the past, but nostalgia is pleasant in its own way, and it is easier to look on his personal history with some sort of disjointed combination of pride and embarrassment.

He has been friends with some of the greatest men of his time or any other, he has loved so well and truly as to have entrusted a part of his soul to another person, and he has found a place of contentment for himself in the aftermath of war and desolation.

Conversely, he has suffered through betrayal, war, bitterness, and tragedy. He has lost the first friends who accepted him, and the first man to see through his scars to the man he would be. He has lost both lovers fate has granted him, and he's watched as the love of the one who owns a part of him has been denied.

Now, though, he finds himself facing something worse than an embarrassment of station or situation; it's a shame brought on by knowing he is jealous of someone who has lost as much as he has. Jealous of a person who has lost more. His common sense tells him it's not a competition, that he should be happy Harry has not lost everything.

His bitterness says it's easier to lose everything when you have less to begin with.

Comments

[rosewildeirish.livejournal.com]

Awww. Nicely done.

[raegan-1.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It didn't go where I thought it would, but, meh. Sometimes reality beats out over expectations. ^__^

[ice-is-blue.livejournal.com]

Angsty! I -like- :D It's an interesting character point you bring up. Lupin has lost -a lot- and usually he's portrayed as some noble, self-sacrificing parent-figure. And while people like that frequently can and do exist, I imagine he would be torn like this... seeing that bit of Harry's happiness and just aching for some of his own.



(the geek fic was a bit too geeky for me, ^^;;;; mostly because if Rodney is perfection, I really fear for the world.... and I didn't know who the other guy was... he doesn't sound like the cute Scottish doc... which makes me think he's the weasely rat-like scientist guy, and my brain just does not want to go anywhere near there ^^;;;;;)

[raegan-1.livejournal.com]

*glomps* I'm glad you liked the angst (I think I should go back and add an angst tag, just because it'd be interesting to see how few of my fic-bits fall under it. :D But, yeah.

I was honestly thinking originally of Snape being proud, or jealous, but even before I'd done the first line, Lupin was prominent. And then it was going to be Lupin jealous of someone else who had Snape's respect (if nothing else), but... *shrug* I let it pull me where it would, and I liked it. (Even if it was angsty.)

The other guy was Radek, though I'm not going to comment on the "rat-like" bit. Because I can see it, even if I don't agree, and yes, you're right. And yeah, it was geeky. The funny thing is that I pulled from it information we'd discussed in two of my classes yesterday. *is a not-so sneaky geek.*